My blog isn’t professionally written and probably not technically a blog since I don’t write daily, weekly, monthly or any other type of consistency.
My blog is to write about what I’m going through as I battle #HighGradeAggressiveNeuroendocrineCarcinoma …really going through. No more sugar-coating it for others that can not accept the fact that I am going to die from this.
It’s about the battles I face like losing my job, my family, my friends, watching my daughter struggle enough with this world than to add this to her life at 12 years old and now at 16 and has days she has to take care of me like a child and my life as I knew it to be which may not be such a bad thing since I reflect on what my life has been and as I go through the stages of grief learning through therapy and God why I have made the mistakes I have in my life and why I am left day in and day out alone, by myself most hours of the day and night to battle this horrible terrible monster that will eventually win……………………………………IF I LET IT.
I fear on a daily basis that it is going to be THE day any day and I am unsure of how much more of this hurricane known as fear I can take before I completely give up? How much more emotional, mental, physical, etc. abuse can one take before they crack? Before they pack their bags and leave….nowhere to go and no money to leave but no reason to stay where they are?
Let’s just not talk about NET cancer. Let’s talk about ALL the horrific effects it has on one’s entire life even though most do not want to hear it because they can not handle it while those of us lucky to still be living with it do (the longest I’ve found is 8 years with my type High Grade Aggressive Neuroendocrine Carcinoma
I am quickly losing faith that I will have anyone standing by my side at the end. Anyone that truly cared for me and about me while I fight this horrible disease for many many many different reasons.
I don’t know how I’m doing it but I AM.